6 Reasons to Avoid the VGA’s Entirely

Let’s laugh and cry as we count down the top 6 reasons why you should avoid the 2010 Video Game Awards entirely. Like you need 6 more reasons to realize that the VGA’s probably aren’t worth your time or something. If you haven’t look over the nominations you can do so here, but be warned, you will probably not like what you find. Maybe I’m the bad guy who is doing the industry a disfavor by blasting a mainstream spotlight for video games, but really I’m just asking for a little class and professionalism. Take a look at the Game Developers Awards and you see what I am referencing when I say something like that.

1- The Comment Section for Most Anticipated Game

My personal favorite and first on the list. This could be looked at in a few different ways. On the official site for the nominations, something strange has happened in the comments section. People seem to be ignoring all other games and just repeatedly nominating Mortal Kombat.  The first explanation is that people are generally excited for Mortal Kombat next year. The nominee’s feature some pretty heavy hitters such as Gears of War 3 and Bioshock Infinite, but if you read the comments section you’d believe that people are absolutely flabbergasted that Mortal Kombat was left off the list. Another explanation is that people realize what an absurd category this is and have used the comment section to sarcastically mock the entire idea of it. It’s hard not to get that impression when by the time you get to 50 comments, people are saying things like

Hmm… let’s see I was thinking maybe Portal T- Oh, who am I fooling MORTAL KOMBAT! The ultimate game of the decade!

It’s actually a great commentary on the whole program.

2 – The Hosts/General Maturity Level

At this point we’re not even sure if this thing will have a host, but be assured that if they do find a host, it will be someone terrible for the job. I wonder if Lindsay Lohan is busy in early December. What’s Carrot Top’s schedule looking like these days? Could we get “Snooki” (little orange monstrosity from Jersey Shore) to host? Whichever clown they get to host this mess, prepare yourself for a lot of bad gaming related jokes and awkward skits. Don’t be naive enough to think that an award ceremony involving video games can have class in any form, at least not from Spike.

Their is a reason that I don’t watch MTV. It’s because watching that channel will make you stupid. In direct correlation the more MTV you watch the more stupid you will become. The VGA’s are on Spike, which isn’t as bad at MTV, but does share some frightening similarities. It’s a less direct and intense brand of stupidity, but I wouldn’t recommend any kind of prolonged exposure. It’s award nominees painted on almost naked girls, it’s Jersey Shore reading the winners, it’s… all real shallow. Geoff Keighley, God love ’em, tries to work with Spike to bring content gamers will actually care about, but it’s a uphill battle.

3 – It’s a Popularity Contest for Voice Acting

One certain way to tell these nominations mean absolutely nothing to anyone is to glance over the nominees for “best female/male lead”. Nope, this isn’t a real thing and these awards officially aren’t worth the plastic their made out of. I guess because “Enslaved: Odyssey to the West” didn’t sell big numbers, they are not eligible for nominations. Never mind that Lindsey Shaw as “Tripp” should win this category in a landslide, Spike would rather nominate and bring “Emmanuelle Chriqui” out on stage for reading the numbers in Black ops. I am not kidding. How about Danica Patrick as herself. Wow Danica, you really nailed those lines. For a second their I thought you really were yourself, are you classically trained? Talk about transcending the medium.

Their seems to be a pattern here. Tricia Helfer, Kristen Bell and Yvonne Strahovski. Hmm. Oh, I think I got it and I’m going to recommend a chance in the the name of the award. Let’s just call it “Most Famous Voice in a Video Game” and stop beating around the bush. Something that seems to escape the understanding of whoever is creating these lists, is that star power doesn’t always translate into great voice acting.

4 – The Internet Exists

One of the only good things to happen as the VGA’s are the trailer unveils and game announcements. That would be a reason to watch, but I have this thing called the internet and all that stuff will be up in a couple of hours following the end of the show. Then I can watch it on my own time without having to be bombarded by Spike TV adds for The Ultimate Fighter or 1000 ways to die.

5 – Green Day’s “Basket Case” is Nominated for Best Song

Apparently “Basket Case” stands heads and shoulders above any other Green Day song, not to mention all the other actually talented artists featured in the other many music games. That’s called losing touch with your audience/reality. Okay people, of all the songs included in all the games, we managed to narrow it down to six…and SOMEHOW Green Day’s “Basket Case” earned a spot in the final six. I can imagine how this happened. Clearly the people who are creating these lists are stuck in an alternate universe where time stopped in 1994 and all music except the song “Basket Case” by Green Day was banned and destroyed. Can you really blame them?

Let me guess, Green Day is preforming “Basket Case” when they win? One can only hope…

6 – The Nomination Lists in General

It might just be me, but I see some real question marks in these lists. Who made these? Call of Duty is good enough for a over-all game of the year nomination, but apparently it’s not as good as Modnation Racers and will not be appearing in the Best PS3 Game Category. Do we really need 4 different categories for music in games? We need to break music into no less then four categories, but handhelds, eh, just shove those all together and ignore the Iphone completely. DS or PSP, who cares? We need to get to the important stuff like Most Anticipated Game and other categories that mean absolutely nothing.

Genuinely amazing games like Civilization 5 get little love, and all the downloadable and Indy games are forced into their small categories. It doesn’t really matter that Super Meat Boy or Limbo reviewed higher then something like Call of Duty Black Ops. What? You think those games belong in the Game of the Year discussion? Well, that’s too bad. They didn’t sell 6.7 million copies on day one, so clearly they are not as good. High sales figures are always a direct result of quality, right? Sure, we can have eight nominees for Best Female Voice, but really we can’t fit more then 4 into the best downloadable game category.

Is it only me who noticed that the Fighting Game categories are completely gone?

In Closing

If you absolutely can’t have sense talked into you and find yourself parked in front of your television this December to watch the VGA’s, please do me this one favor. That one tiny part in your brain that likes to try and explain and rationalize what it’s processing, just go ahead and turn that off. I’m suggesting a viewing state just a hair above actual unconsciousness. The mute button is also a powerful ally in the fight againt bad television. Be smart about this folks, it’s all I ask.

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